You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger. – Buddha
- Are you angry often?
- Are you getting mad regularly?
- Do you lose your mind with rage?
- Do you fume in silence for long periods of time?
Anger is a significant social issue, with around 30% of adults and 65% of teenagers struggling to manage their anger. Alarmingly, 1 in 10 people experience severe anger problems that can escalate into violence.
What is anger?
Anger is part of the sympathetic nervous system’s fight-or-flight response that helped our ancestors avoid danger by providing a burst of energy. Today, feeling anger is often linked with stress and is a way to express frustration when our values or boundaries have been crossed. Many struggle to manage their anger and react impulsively to perceived threats, making this ancient fight-or-flight response less useful in modern life.
Aggression is likely a persistent part of our human biology as primates. Freud argued that aggression is an innate instinct, creating significant challenges for culture and society. Today, acting on these instincts is no longer acceptable.
Irrational beliefs
We can learn different strategies to build a habit of staying calm and questioning irrational beliefs. When anger takes over, logical thinking becomes difficult as emotions bypass the brain’s reasoning centre, which can lead to unfiltered reactions.
When another driver cuts you off, your anger is not from their action but from how you interpret it. When you react emotionally, you let others control your feelings. Road rage often stems from expecting everyone to drive like you. This can lead to aggressive responses, such as speeding, using your horn, or even acts of violence. Ultimately, these reactions occur when you feel your values have been challenged.
Anger may result from prolonged stress and frustration. Losing one’s composure can be attributed to factors such as insufficient sleep and diminished patience. Children frequently exposed to parental conflict may internalise the belief that such interactions are typical within relationships. Additionally, alcohol consumption impairs clear and logical thinking, which can lead to misinterpretation of social cues essential for rational decision-making. Read more about Alcohol and Aggression
When someone belittles or degrades you, it can hurt your ego and trigger anger. Read about Becoming Offended and The All Mighty Powerful Ego
Chronic anger has also been linked to a range of physical health issues, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, and a weakened immune system, making individuals more susceptible to colds and flu.
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape 100 days of sorrow – Chinese proverb
Physical signs of anger:
- clenching your jaws or grinding your teeth
- headache
- stomach ache
- increased and rapid heart rate
- sweating in areas, especially your palms
- feeling hot in the neck or face
- shaking or trembling
- dizziness
Emotional signs of anger:
- like you want to get away from the situation
- irritated
- sad, depressed or crying
- guilty
- resentful
- anxious
- like striking out verbally or physically
Behavioural changes:
- rubbing your head
- pacing back and forth
- getting sarcastic
- losing your sense of humour
- acting in an abusive or abrasive manner
- craving a drink, a smoke or other substance that relax you
- raising your voice
- beginning to yell, scream, or cry
Resources to help you stay in control and avoid exploding with anger:
The Power of Meditation explores how various forms of meditation can help manage anger, while Better Communication and Work through a Disagreement can help you improve your communication skills.
Anger is also covered in this podcast: https://candour-communication-podcast.simplecast.com/episodes/adrian-spear
Getting help
I have specialised in anger management for over 20 years, helping clients understand their anger, its causes, triggers, and recurring patterns. I coach clients to challenge unhelpful beliefs and teach practical techniques to manage anger and stay calm.
Call 0405 391 110 for a free 15 minute consultation or fill out the contact form: https://apspear.com.au/contact/
