Depression affects about one in eight Australian men, but it often doesn’t match typical “sad” stereotypes. Many men stay silent or try to hide their symptoms, which can have serious consequences.
How depression shows up in men
Depression in men often shows as fatigue, sleep or appetite changes, pain, anger, risk-taking, or heavy drinking rather than visible sadness. Emotional signs like irritability, withdrawal, or criticism are frequently overlooked, while overworking, substance use, or risky behaviour may be seen as recklessness. These patterns can damage relationships and jobs, increasing feelings of failure or hopelessness. Many male clients have sought my help for anger, stress, insomnia, or relationship issues, but these often turned out to be symptoms of underlying depression. When the depression was treated then the other concerns were often no longer a problem.
Meet Daniel
Daniel sought my help after struggling to manage his overwhelming anger. Over just a few years, his aggressive and negative behaviour had led to the breakdown of his marriage, estrangement from his children, loss of friendships, and unemployment.
We began addressing Daniel’s anger and soon identified pervasive negativity and all core symptoms of depression. There were also suicidal tendencies to deal with. We introduced strategies to challenge negative thinking and explored ways to restore meaning and enjoyment in his life.
Some of the suggestions I provided to Daniel included:
- Practicing thought stopping. Saying out load or to the self “STOP” anytime negative a thought persists.
- Asking “Does this thought serve me positively?” Then continue to choose thoughts until one feels better. This is called Metacognition, being aware of the thoughts we are thinking.
- Engaging in daily exercise to boost levels of feel-good chemicals in the body.
- Identifying a personal meaning or purpose in life to give him motivation.
- Setting multiple 12-month goals to work towards.
- Scheduling at least one enjoyable activity each week.
- Watching a funny video or sitcom every day and allowing himself a genuine laugh.
- Sitting in cold water (2–5°C) for two minutes at least once a week under the supervision of a trained instructor.
A New Man
After several weeks, his mood and behaviour improved significantly. His anger disappeared, and we began rebuilding his relationships. Now, a year later, Daniel is reunited with his wife, enjoys time with his children and friends, and has a great job he loves.
Why men find it hard to speak up
Many Australian men receive strong messages while growing up about needing to be tough, self-reliant, and always in control. Studies show that many of them feel pressured to appear “emotionally strong” and hide any signs of vulnerability, even during difficult times. Because of this, admitting to depression can seem like a sign of weakness or letting others down.
This pressure leads men to overlook signs of depression and delay seeking help. Many wait until issues worsen, often after major stressors, increasing their risk for crisis or suicidal thoughts.
Suicide in Australia: the numbers behind the silence
Untreated or unrecognised depression in men is evident in suicide statistics. In 2023, Australia recorded over 3,200 suicides (12 per 100,000 people), with males making up more than three-quarters of the deaths.
In 2023, about 2,419 men and 795 women died by suicide in Australia. The age-standardised rate for men was roughly 18 per 100,000—three times higher than for women. Suicide is a leading cause of death among younger Australian men, especially those under middle age.
What can help: reaching out and staying connected
Depression can be managed successfully, and with timely help, suicide can often be prevented. Treatments may involve therapy, medication, adopting healthier habits, peer support, or a combination that suits the individual. For many men, the first important step is having an open conversation with someone they trust—like a friend, partner, GP, coach or counsellor—and honestly expressing their feelings instead of downplaying them.
If you’re concerned about a man, stay calm, listen without judgment, and ask direct but kind questions about his well-being. Suggest seeing a GP, offer support in booking or attending, and help him reach out to helplines or online resources. Regular, simple check-ins are often more effective than perfect words.
If you or someone you know is in crisis
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or is unable to maintain personal safety, it is important to seek immediate assistance. In Australia, available options include contacting emergency services, reaching out to a crisis helpline, or visiting the nearest emergency department. Although discussing these matters may be challenging, directly inquiring about suicidal ideation does not introduce the concept; rather, it provides an opportunity for support and intervention.
Talking about depression in men and acknowledging the high suicide rates is not about blame, but about change. Every time someone shares their story, checks in on a mate, or challenges the idea that men must suffer in silence, it chips away at the stigma and makes it more likely that men will reach out long before they reach breaking point.
Reach out now
Organise a free up to a 15-minute phone call to see if this service is right for you: 0405 391 110
Or fill out the contact form: https://apspear.com.au/contact/
Want to know what to expect from my services: Mind Management & Counselling Services
You may also like to read: Understanding Depression & the Road to Recovery , Suicide Prevention
Check out my social pages:
https://www.facebook.com/MMEI01 or https://www.linkedin.com/in/adrian-p-spear/
