Do you want to learn to detach? Let’s talk about attachment and how being attached to various areas in your life causes you to become immobilized. What I mean by this is that if you believe that this item or this value or this person MUST be in your life and you become immobilized or negatively affected when it is no longer there than you are attached to that thing.
What we need to do is to detach ourselves from the idea that something or someone or some belief or value must be a certain way. Becoming attached can cover various areas of your life. You will notice that in many areas I have substituted the word need with must. I like to use the word MUST because it is something you cannot do without. Take sleep for example. You don’t need sleep, you MUST sleep or you will die. Pure and simple.
Below is a list of some of the areas where we could possibly have attachments and we want to learn to become detached in these areas:
- Attachment to material possessions
- Attachment to people
- Attachment to the past
- Attachment to your physical body
- Attachment to your opinions and to your need to be right
- Attachment to money
- Attachment to winning
Now let’s have a look at each of these areas:
Attachment to material positions
In western culture, it is believed that we must have a certain amount of material possessions in order for us feel successful. So many believe that you can’t actually be happy without accumulating more stuff. Others believe that their self esteem and self-worth depends on their ability to accumulate more. Scores of folk even accumulate more stuff to show others just how successful they are.
Attachment to people
Wanting someone to share your life with is a wonderful thing. But needing someone in your life is a different story. A need is something that you can’t do without and if you MUST have a certain person in your life and that person is no longer there then you suffer terribly when they leave. Now I’m not talking about mourning the death of a loved one. The grieving process can take a long time. But in saying this after a while, we all must decide to let that person go from our thoughts and eventually move forward.
Attachment to the past
Many of us believe that since it was a certain way in the past, then it needs to stay that way. Many traditions, which are from the past, are carried on just for the sake of keeping it the way it was. Taking this to extreme, is the fact that wars have been waged for centuries because traditions say it so. The attachment to the past brings suffering to not just yourself but a great number of many other people.
Attachment to your physical body
If you believe that you are only your package, your physical body and you are attached to the way you look, then eventually you will suffer as that frame which you find yourself in starts to wear out. Don’t misunderstand me I do believe that we should look after ourselves physically, and we should do our best to preserve our youthfulness but being attached to the idea that your body must be a certain way only bring about suffering in the long run.
Attachment to your opinions and you need to be right
Now this attachment is one of the hardest ones to get rid of in your life. Look at social media, for example. It is full of people’s opinions about how things MUST be. Now, for every single person out there, there is a different opinion about how they believe something should or shouldn’t be.
The MUST to be right is like a disease in our society. It creates a great deal of suffering in relationships. Do we realize that when we attempt to prove someone wrong, they actually become more stubborn of their opinion then never before.
They will dig their heels in and not change their mind even though you could throw all the facts at them proving them wrong. So you can see that the MUST to be right is an attachment we can do without, because as someone once said; “A man convinced against his will is still have the same opinion.”
Attachment to money
Money can do great things in the world. It can build you a good life. Dosh can help others. Zig Ziglar one said: “The love of money is the route to all evil.” Now money has to be in the picture. It actually rates pretty closely to oxygen. But the idea that you MUST accumulate more and more money is an illness that can never be cured. The attachment to money will lead some people to commit unethical and also illegal acts in order to accumulate more.
Attachment to winning
I like to win. When I go out for a physical contest, then I like to be on the winning end of the stick. Years ago, when I was much much younger, I would become so aggressive towards my opponents when I wasn’t winning all the points. This is because I was attached to winning at all cost. Now there’s a big difference between performing as well as you can in the spirit of contest and the MUST to win. If we MUST win and we don’t win, then will become a mobilized.
Detachment
So how do we free ourselves from these attachments? How do we become detached from all these areas which may be mobilizing us or affecting us emotionally in a negative way?
Detachment from material possessions
It’s important to keep in mind that we are not our possessions. If you are seeking your happiness in material possessions, then that is the wrong place to be looking. I like to keep things circulating. As a rule of thumb, if I have not used something for six months then it’s time to move it on so that someone else can gain the benefits from that possession.
Detachment from people
If someone who you love and or cherish no longer wants to be a part of your life then we need to learn to detach from needing this person. We can still love someone without having them in our lives. If a loved one passes away, then go through the grieving process, then make a decision at a certain date in the future you will move on and not forget about them, but choose to live your life once more.
Detachment from the past.
Just because grandma and grandpa or mum and dad, did it a certain way, it doesn’t mean that you have to follow the trend. Many cultures have traditions. Things must be a certain way. In many circumstances, it can be very difficult or even dangerous to break tradition. But if you truly feel differently about the way that others around you act then you should do what you believe, in your heart, is right and true. As long as it isn’t unethical, illegal or socially unacceptable then by all means be and do as you wish. (please do not put yourself or your family in danger though)
Detachment from physical body
We should take care of our physical body. I have nothing against it. If you believe you would like to lose 10 kg then by all means put a plan in place and lose those unwanted kilograms. Maybe you’d like to build lean muscle because that is your goal then by all means, create a plan and work towards that goal. Perhaps you want to look after your external appearance and groom yourself by all means do that. Doing the things above will create a stronger fitter body and it will aid you as your body continues to age.
But remember that the body is wearing out. From the moment you were born, the body has realistically been heading towards death. You need to detach yourself from your physical appearance. You may have noticed already that things start to sag and droop and imperfections creep in. Just have an acceptance that this is a process of life. After all, it is difficult to look and feel 20 when you’re actually 60. Remember to look after yourself, your physical self and your appearance because it is something that you want, not because it’s something that others and society wants in you.
Detachment from your opinions your need to be right.
Every single person out there will have a different perspective on your opinion. Everybody sees thing slightly different from you. If someone has a different opinion to you, then you attempt to make them wrong, so you are right. Don’t try to ram your opinion down their esophagus. In turn they will become defensive and no amount of logic will change their opinion. Remember: “A man convinced against his will is still have the same opinion.”
The method I got from the book (How to win friends and influence people) by Dale Carnegie. I use this passage of words very often when someone is of the opposing opinion to me. I say: “I might be wrong and I often am, but I thought it was so-so. Let’s examine the facts.” This little phrase will work wonders. Try it out. If someone is so revved up that you’ve tried the above sentence and it doesn’t work, then you can always just follow up with: “You are right about that.” Straight away the argument is finished. You have detached from being right and now they are right. Thy then have nothing else to argue about.
Detachment from money
Now don’t get me wrong folks. We definitely need money to enjoy a comfortable life. What I’m talking about here is focusing on accumulating more and more. This is even worse when your money comes to the detriment of others. I guess I can relate this to my own personal experience. I am actually embarrassed about this. For about 10 years of my life, I was 100% focused on making as much money as I could. I was managing a business and spent 80 to 100 hours a week in this business. I would even have plans in place so the other businesses in the area, doing what I was doing couldn’t survive. And many didn’t. The more I pushed, the more money I made, the unhappier I became. My relationship with my partner worsened and I became unhealthier.
After almost 10 years of struggling, I gave it all away and realize that my happiness and my well-being was far more important than my MUST accumulate more money. So now I live modest life, I can provide for my family and enjoy many of the things that money can buy. But I have detached myself from the love of money.
Detachment from the MUST to win.
Like I said previously winning is wonderful. We all like to win. It gives us a sense of achievement. It is good for our ego. But the problem is when winning becomes a MUST at all cost. Then when you don’t win you emotionally and psychologically become immobilized. You may become angry and rant and rave. You might even verbally or physically abuse others. Or on the other hand, you may become deeply depressed about the loss, once again becoming mobilized.
So in the spirit of competition, try to be involved in the process and enjoy the experience. Endeavor to function at your peak. If that’s the case then you actually have more chance of winning. And if your opponent is better than you on the day, then be happy for their win and congratulate them. Thus you have detached from the need to win.
So there you have it. Detach from the above and start enjoying life the way it should be. Thank you for reading on. I have been studying about the mind and how our thoughts can be our best friend or our worst enemy. One of the greatest authors and speakers that has ever lived is Dr Wayne W Dyer. I can attribute much of what I write and speak about to this wonderful man. He has many fantastic books out there which will help you grow. Look them up and learn as I have.
