Are you seeking approval from others?
- Why am I always checking with others before making decisions?
- Why am I saying what folks want to hear instead of speaking my mind?
- Am I verifying my worth with others?
- Do I have approval seeking behaviour?
Approval seeking can be considered a counterproductive behaviour. Many young individuals look for validation from their peers, often adopting similar clothing styles. Significant resources may be spent on personal appearance, influenced by societal norms and media messaging. The message goes something like this:
“Wear this brand and your friends will envy you”
Children often experiment with drugs or engage in mischievous behavior because they seek approval from their friends, making this kind of approval-seeking quite harmful. It’s important to teach children from an early age that they do not need validation from their peers. Instead, encourage them to make independent choices based on what is moral, ethical, and safe, rather than simply trying to please their friends.
Adults are also seeking approval.
When you share your opinion and someone disagrees, you might change your stance to gain their approval; this is known as approval seeking.
You may be talking about food and say that you like Mongolian to which your companion says “Yuck! Mongolian that’s terrible”. Then you find yourself saying “Oh I didn’t really mean I like it. I mean it’s OK to eat if I was in Mongolia on holidays.” That’s approval seeking.
A client once described his routine of ensuring his home was orderly and clean before leaving each day. When asked about this habit, he explained that he would feel considerable embarrassment if unexpected guests arrived and found his space untidy. This behaviour reflects approval-seeking tendencies, where the perceptions of others are prioritised over his own preferences.
Some people help others mainly for approval and recognition rather than genuine kindness. True generosity means giving without expecting anything back, and doing so anonymously is even better. For example, Carlos Castaneda reportedly arranged to have his book royalties left in a paper bag in a New York City phone booth for a stranger to find, demonstrating humility, self-esteem, and kindness without seeking approval.
Approval seeking can mean following traditions or rules without question. If something feels wrong to you, trust your judgment—even if it means challenging traditions or norms (but not the law). Sometimes I even invite disapproval to test my self-worth and see how I handle others’ reactions.
Break some rules and exercise your free will
Did you know that about half the people you encounter will likely see things differently from you on almost every topic? Just think how exhausting it would be to convince that 50% to see things your way. You’d constantly be trying to win their approval, which sounds like a very difficult way to live.
For instance, consider this article I’m composing at the moment. I feel assured in my writing and stand by my words. My goal is to support individuals struggling with approval-seeking tendencies. It doesn’t matter to me whether people like it or not.
You have the right to your own opinions, choices, and expressions. As long as your actions and words are not abusive or socially unacceptable, feel free to wear what you like and speak your mind. If someone disagrees with you, that’s their concern, not yours.
You are a person worthy of all that life has to offer
So stop seeking approval for your being-ness
Feel free to read: Building Self-Confidence , Create Your Positive Mindset , Detachment , Breath and Ice Therapy , Right or Wrong Decisions , The Power of Meditation , How to Use Positive Affirmations , The Stages of Change , Staying Positive with Cancer , Becoming Offended , Responsibility , The All Mighty Powerful Ego , Lead & Promote Change & Better Communication
You can train your mind through various techniques to NOT seek the approval from others.
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