Approval seeking is a self-defeating behaviour. Many young people seek approval from their peers, they wear the same types of clothes which their peers are wearing. They spend a lot of money on making themselves look good because it’s what society and the media broadcasts. The message goes something like this:
“Wear this brand and your friends will envy you”
Kids get into drugs and do mischievous things because they want the approval of their friends so approval seeking in this aspect is terrible. Children need to be taught at a young age that they don’t need to seek approval from their friends. Instead teach children that they are to make their own choices which are moral, ethical and safe, and not choices to please or gain approval from their peers.
Adults are also approval seekers. Let’s say you’re talking to someone about a current situation that is happening in the world and you state your opinion. Then your companion states the opposite to what you said. You may find yourself quickly changing your story to seek the other person’s approval on the topic. This is approval seeking.
You may be talking about food and say that you like Mongolian to which your companion says “Yuck! Mongolian that’s terrible”. Then you find yourself saying “Oh I didn’t really mean I like it. I mean it’s OK to eat if I was in Mongolia on holidays.” That’s approval seeking.
There are folks out there that do everything and anything for people not out of kindness but out of the approval and recognition they receive from their good deeds. Sure, helping others is a wonderful thing, but do it without expecting anything in return. Even better than that is to do it anonymously. I read once that Carlos Castaneda, a brilliant writer, use to have the royalties for is books placed into a brown paper bag and placed in a telephone booth in New York City. Some lucky person would find the money and feel very happy. This was a showing of a lack of ego, strong self-esteem, kindness, and lack of approval seeking.
One aspect of approval seeking is blind obedience to a tradition, or rules. If it doesn’t sit right with you then don’t do it. Sometimes you need to bend or even break tradition or the rules when you believe otherwise. I’m not talking about breaking the law. But if something just doesn’t make sense to you, then exercise your free will. Sometimes I will actually go out and seek disapproval. Not to upset anyone but to test my own self-value, to see how I respond to their disapproval.
Break some rules and exercise your free will
Do you realise that 50% of the folks that you meet will have a different opinion to you in almost every facet of life? Could you imagine how hard it would be to try and have that 50% to agree with you? You would spend all your time bending over backwards in an attempt to please them or to gain their approval. What a terrible existence that would be.
Take for example, this article I am writing right here and now. I am confident and believe in what I am writing. My objective is to help folks who are suffering from the approval seeking behaviour. Whether someone likes or dislikes it is irrelevant.
You are entitled to an opinion. You are entitled to think the way you think, say what you want to say, and wear what you want to wear. As long as it’s not socially unacceptable or abusive to anyone then by all means wear, do, be and say what you believe is right and true. And if another doesn’t like what you have done or said then that is their problem, not yours.
You are a person worthy of all that life has to offer so stop
seeking approval for your being-ness
You can train your mind through various techniques to NOT seek the approval from others. Get in contact with me to learn how.
If you would like to make an appointment or a free 15 minute chat then:
CALL NOW: 0405 391 110
