I recently sent an email that I thought was helpful. Instead, it sparked a wave of resentment from management. It left me wondering: Why do we choose to be offended, and how can we reclaim our power from the opinions of others?”
Why do folks become offended?
This has led me to reflect on why we get offended, and it usually begins with the ego. When we operate from an ego-centric perspective, we are at the mercy of external validation. Compliments feel like fuel:
- “You’re doing a great job.”
- “You look wonderful today.”
- “You’re so sharp.”
These words are uplifting and kind. In these moments, life feels good because the ego is inflated. (Read more about it here: The All Mighty Powerful Ego
However, the same ego that soaks up praise is equally vulnerable to criticism. When we hear things we don’t like:
- “Your work isn’t up to par,”
- “You look tired,” or
- “That outfit doesn’t work.”
Then the ego takes a direct hit. The shift is instant: “How dare they?” or “What do they know?”
When the ego suffers a blow, resentment often follows. As I’ve experienced, it’s easy to let that pain turn into anger or even a desire for “payback.” We aren’t just offended by the words; we are defending a bruised ego. Read more about: Anger Management
The Viktor Frankl “Gap”
How do we break this cycle? How do we stop ourselves from being held hostage by the praise of others or crushed by their criticism? The answer lies in a wisdom I encountered years ago:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Man’s search For Meaning – Viktor Frankl
When we cultivate a mind of calmness and clarity, we effectively expand that space. Instead of an instant “ego-reaction”—the rush of pride or the sting of resentment—we gain a moment of stillness. In that gap, we can observe the words without letting them define us. We reclaim our power from the speaker and find a stability that doesn’t depend on outside opinions.
In the past, I was entirely driven by my ego. I chased the symbols of success—fancy cars, flash apartments, expensive restaurants, and an endless collection of toys. I wanted to look impeccable so that others would admire me; I felt a desperate need to be the smartest and best-looking person in any room. Back then, being “right” wasn’t just a preference—it was a requirement. If I wasn’t right, I felt I had to justify my very existence. I lived in a constant state of reaction, governed by my environment, fleeting thoughts, and volatile feelings, rarely pausing for logical reflection. The result was a life of friction: I was always offended, always angry, and deeply resentful whenever the world didn’t align with my demands.
Mindfulness Meditation
Everything changed when I was introduced to meditation. Through a technique called Sensation Meditation, I learned to tune into the physical reality of my body. When unpleasant sensations arose—the heat of anger or the tightness of defensiveness—I practiced observing them without reacting. This process allowed me to physically “stretch” the space between a stimulus and my response.
By observing the discomfort rather than fleeing from it, I gained the clarity to stop, evaluate, and choose a more constructive path. With time and consistent practice, I stopped being a slave to internal impulses and external critiques. What people thought of me began to lose its sting; I was no longer immobilized by their words or actions. While I am not entirely “ego-less,” I have mastered the art of non-reaction. Read more about: The Power of Meditation
Self-Validation
- The Trigger: Someone says, “You are silly!”
- The Pause: I STOP. I consciously create that “gap” between their words and my reaction.
- The Internal Audit: I evaluate the statement against my own value system. My internal truth reminds me: “I am not defined by this comment; I am a person of intelligence and depth.”
- The Release: I choose to disregard the insult. I recognize that their words are a reflection of their lack of self-awareness, not a reflection of my reality.
- The Choice: I decide whether a response is even necessary. Because I no longer feel the need to justify my intelligence, I am free to remain silent.
- The Realization: My self-worth is inner-directed, not externally validated. When your value comes from within, being offended is no longer a requirement—it’s not even an option.
Growth Mindset
So, let your ego be. When someone attempts to belittle you or says something intended to hurt, remember the “gap.” Stop. Evaluate their words against your internal value system. If the statement is an untruth, you can simply observe it and let it pass, knowing it doesn’t define you. If there is a grain of truth in the critique, use it as a tool for self-correction rather than a reason for self-attack. Ultimately, being offended is a choice—and you have the power to choose differently. If you are ready to stop living at the mercy of others’ opinions, I can help you navigate this path toward a life of calm, conscious response.
Feel free to read: Building Self-Confidence , Create Your Positive Mindset , Breath and Ice Therapy , Right or Wrong Decisions , How to Use Positive Affirmations , The Stages of Change , Staying Positive with Cancer , Stop Seeking Approval , Responsibility , The All Mighty Powerful Ego , Lead & Promote Change & Better Communication
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